RICKITT RACKET ROCKET!By Andrew Lindsay
Former soap
star Adam Rickitt is in hot water with the taxman after the Fraud Squad caught up with his
bogus self-assessment form. The former Coronation Street heart-throb, who played effeminate Nick Tilsley before shooting to pop stardom with his debut single I Breathe Again, was formally charged with fraud yesterday, and bailed to appear at Minshull Street Crown Court, Manchester, on December 25. Eagle-eyed tax officials alerted the police when a discrepancy was spotted on teen-hunk Adams form. |
However, Sir Graham Tent of the Inland
Revenue said that the problem was not about money, but because of the job description that
was stated. Our suspicions were first aroused when we noticed that Mr Rickitt had stated that he was a musician and actor. We contacted his agent, Keith Wipe, and asked him to provide some evidence of this. "He gave us a copy of the video to Mr Rickitts latest single, and after viewing it we have decided that neither of the job descriptions is accurate. Rickitt was unavailable for comment yesterday, but Mr Wipe said that the star refuted the allegations and intended to fight them in court. |
Adam has done nothing wrong, and just
because one or two bigwigs dont like his music or hair or whatever, theyre
saying he cant sing or act. The nation knows that this is not true, he
claimed. Rickitts auntie Irene also added that the pop sensation was a lovely lad. Meanwhile, Wimbledon and Republic of Ireland defender Kenny Cunningham distanced himself from the case, saying only, youve got to admit, his acting wasnt very good and his songs are awful, but then I dont really see what its got to do with me. |
Donkey Annes Death Metal SlamBy Andrew Lindsay
Top Tory MP Anne Widdecombe may be screaming away at Glastonbury next year if plans to recruit her to a death metal band are successful. The ebullient right-winger, dubbed Donkey because of her infamous screeching voice, is the favoured choice for lead vocals by the Mansfield-based metal outfit Corpslayer, and Tory leader William Hague is said to be very keen on the idea of Ms Widdecombe, 91, joining the band as he looks to build up his partys hip new image. An insider said, This is a very exciting opportunity for the party to reach a whole new generation of disaffected idiots and the like through Annes amazing voice. |
"Metal fans everywhere will be able to
hear how tough Tory policy fits in to their tiny world of aggressive music - a marked
contrast to the wishy-washy, Pink Floyd style ethos of the Labour government. However, Ms Widdecombe herself seemed less enthusiastic about the venture, which would entail her jumping about and shouting things about death and missing arms. Speaking through an interpreter, she said, I dont mind entertaining the public - I even had a go at karaoke once until the amplifier broke - but Im very sceptical about this type of music. In fact, Im certain it causes 68% of crime in this country. It ought to be banned. To add further scorn to Mr Hagues plan, music biz insiders were appalled at the idea. |
Melody Maker editor Terry Knee warned,
These people have got no business in the business. Theyre bleeding the kids
dry and its a diabolical liberty. Hague, however, is true to his northern upbringing and is unlikely to give up without a fight. He spoke yesterday about the grand tradition of singers in the Conservative Party, which began with Peter Lilleys rendition of Land of Hope and Glory at the 1997 party conference and exploded when Dr Brian Mawhinney cunningly recited a few words from The Beatles Nowhere Man in a stunning character assassination on Tony Blair. Meanwhile, Wimbledon and Republic of Ireland defender Kenny Cunningham took a jovial view of events, quipping, Im not trying to say shes a big girl or anything, but when they raised the Titanic, they could have used her as a counter-balance, and when she gets on the talking scales it says one at a time please! I mean she really is a big old girl. |
© 1999 VanceProductions. Not to be used without the author's permission.